My Best Wingman

Recently, I've been trying to hit up the bars with my new wingman. He is really good at his job - he doesn't scam on my squirrels, which is basically the number one requirement of a wingman, he doesn't creep the girls out (he is very sexually nonthreatening), he is good at breaking the ice, and he lets me take over when I'm ready. Basically, the perfect wingman.

This is my buddy, Zippo.

He's a hip-hop hippo.

To prove how good he is, Zippo just helped me land my first date ever on OK Cupid!!!!

Last week, I messaged a girl on OK Cupid, and she responded that my pics were pretty cute and gave me her phone number. I decided to text her, and somehow Zippo slipped himself into the conversation as he is apt to do: (Note, everything with a * is something that I made up)

Me: Hey, it's Stephen, the handsome guy(*) with the super cool profile. Glad you liked my pics!

Are you watching the Saints game right now?"

Her: Yup yup!

Me: Cool. Are you the crazy girl shouting at the bar in front of me?(*)

Her: Um no, I'm watchin it in my pjs at home. If I have no place to be, I stay in my pjs

Me: Yeah, me too. I always wear pjs in the house. (*) I have a stuffed hippopotamus that stays on my bed too, he guards the room while I'm at the bar.

Her: Hahahaha! I have a teddy bear that i've had since I was 14 that's in mine.

Me: My hippo had his heart broken by a teddy bear once (*), I'm trying to get him back into the scene though. (*) Maybe he could meet your bear some time. He's pretty shy but he's a good hippo at heart. (*)

Her: My bear's kinda old and worn out, idk if ur hippo would be into him...Plus it's a he : )

Me: Oh no! That's what ended up happening last time to my poor guy. (*) The other animals still tease him about it. (*)

Me: So I might have some competition here with your bear? I'm a pretty good cook (*), can he do that?

Her: Haha no! but he's been with me for 14 years, there's some history there

Me: Well, I like challenges. Tell him it's on.

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So, OK Cupid readers, it is on! I went on my first date with a real live girl on the internet! And my high school friends told me there were no real girls on the internet! (Note that in high school, we got 0 cumulative dates amongst the five of us that grew up together) A date trip report to come next week!